Are you familiar with the song Kick Over The Statues? Far be it from me to criticise the Redskins' 1985 agitpop anthem, but I don't feel the band really thought the idea through. The Statue Of Liberty weighs in at more than 200 metric tonnes. At that weight, even the gigantic monster in the film Cloverfield must have needed a good run-up before he managed to boot her head across downtown Manhattan. And here in Brighton, although the statue of comedian Max Miller is far more modestly constructed than Lady Liberty, you'd still need feet like Kate Winslet (size 11, celeb fact fans) to even make a dent in it.
No, I think a different approach is required. I'm not suggesting someone should write a song called Erect Statues - let's face it, with a title like that it wouldn't get much daytime airplay - but I believe more public figures should be celebrated in sculptures. Brighton already has a fine track record when it comes to honouring achievement. Over the years, dozens of buses have borne the names of famous people with a connection to the city, ranging from film legend Lord Attenborough to footballer Bobby Zamora. When boarding Virginia Woolf, more than one smart-aleck Sussex University student must have been tempted to ask: 'How much is it to the lighthouse?' Great thinkers have also debated whether allocating left-wing activist Eleanor Marx the number 666 was a case of political demonisation. Personally, I like to imagine that the bus named after The Who was fittingly smashed up into to little pieces when it was withdrawn from service.
With this tradition firmly established, a subject has to be found for the first statue. Like Lady Liberty, I want to commemorate a person who's been a torch carrier for truth and justice. Someone who wasn't afraid to shine a light into the dark corners of society. So step forward, Margaret Haywood, who's been removed from the register of nurses for secretly filming at Brighton's Royal Sussex County Hospital. Appalled by conditions in the hospital's Peel & Stewart acute medical ward, but finding that complaints to her bosses fell on deaf ears, Ms Haywood - a nurse for 20 years - used a secret camera to capture the neglect of elderly patients. The details of what she filmed are horrifying and have been well documented elsewhere, so I won't repeat them here. Suffice it to say, after the footage was shown on BBC1's Panorama programme in 2005, Sussex University Hospitals NHS Trust issued a public apology admitting 'serious lapses in the quality of care' and questions were asked in Parliament. Last week, Ms Haywood was struck off because it's said she failed to 'follow her obligations as a nurse'. It's incredible that, despite a story like this being presented on a programme called Panorama, certain people still can't see the bigger picture.
Now I have a deserving subject, as I'm sure you'll agree, only two questions remain... Firstly, what will the statue be called? Well, Gateshead has its Angel Of The North and, since nurses have often been described using celestial terms, naming it Angel Of The Southeast seems very apt. And finally, where will it stand? The perfect location would be Brighton & Hove Albion's new stadium, which is due to open its doors in 2011. This would give the city a chance to make history. After all, there can't be another football ground in the world that's ever celebrated a whistleblower.
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