Sussex woman on being sexually abused by step-father at age of 12

Sarah Carvey reported to Sussex Police in 2021 that her step-father Brian Hoad groomed and raped her when she was a child in the 1980s.

Hoad, of Kings Road in Lancing, was jailed for 18 years in July last year.

Waiving the anonymity given to victims of sexual offences, Sarah has sought to inspire other survivors and encourage people to also seek justice for the abuse they have experienced.

'I spent a lot of my teenage years feeling very afraid'

Sarah said that she had a “very happy [and[ normal childhood” up until the age of ten, when Hoad came into her life. The abuse started when Sarah was around 12.

“There was not much fun anymore,” she said.

“I became quite a shy child - very embarrassed, very confused by the whole situation.

“Whilst it was going on, it felt very frightening and shameful.

“I spent a lot of my childhood, or a lot of my teenage years, feeling very afraid and wondering if it was normal for people to have this happen to them.”

'Living with a secret for 30 years makes you feel very tired'

Sarah explained that many survivors of childhood sexual abuse, herself included, keep it a secret for long periods of time.

She said: “The reasons are manifold, but in part may stem from a mistaken sense of shame and guilt - and that speaking out may lead to disbelief, upset and anger, which they perceive may come from those around them.

“Living with a secret for 30 years makes you feel very tired and no matter what you still feel like that shamed child. It still feels wrong, and you still feel that you will be judged if you talk about it.

“It’s been something that I’ve tried very hard to keep to the back of my mind but it never goes away.”

Sarah said that the effects of childhood sexual abuse are far-reaching, affecting relationships and how you interact with other people.

“I don’t think I realised how much it affected me until I was released from it,” she said.

Sarah made the decision to report her abuse in 2021, with Hoad arrested the following day.

While she admitted the investigation and legal process was difficult, she also said that the support she received from the police and from the Survivors Network was “absolutely fantastic”.

Sarah said: “The police are willing to listen without judgement and real empathy.

“If there’s a chance of justice, they’ll pull out all the stops to get it.”

Although Sarah said that going over intimate details kept secret for so long is not an easy or pleasant thing to do, she told survivors: “Your bravery will allow you to take back some control which was stolen from you.”

A jury found Hoad guilty of four counts of raping a girl under 16 and two counts of sexual assault on a girl under 16 in July last year and was sentenced to 18 years in prison.

'As close to closure as I will ever get'

Recalling the moment he was convicted, Sarah said: “It’s a strange thing. I didn’t feel elated. I didn’t feel happy. I think I felt more relieved than anything - and sad, sad for my family and sad for the fact that we’d all had to go through this process. It wasn’t just me.”

She also said that, while she doesn’t think she can ever have “total closure”, his conviction is “as close to closure as I will ever get - and I am incredibly grateful for that”.

Sarah Carvey, left, with Acting Detective Sergeant for Sussex Police Emily Turner (Image: Sussex Police)

In a message to others who have faced similar abuse to her, Sarah encouraged people to speak out and “free themselves from the terrible burden they felt forced to carry alone”.

She said: “I’m an ordinary person from an ordinary family who went to the police to tell my truth and they believed me. Better than that, they valued and validated my experiences, not just by getting a conviction, but simply by agreeing that what I’d been through was wrong and that the shame and guilt I felt I didn’t need to feel anymore.

“If someone else is in the same position as me, don’t be afraid. Talk to the police. They will believe you. They may not necessarily be able to get a conviction for you, but they will believe you. They will validate what you are saying.

“It’s been an important part of my healing process, just to be able to say out loud and be believed.”

Some eight months on from Hoad’s conviction, Sarah says her life now is “great”.

“I can walk down the street and not worry about having to potentially bump into my abuser,” she said.

“I don’t have to pretend to my family anymore. It feels very freeing, and I wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything.

“I just feel more relaxed as a person, more open. It’s wonderful, it’s liberating.”

If you are the victim of a sexual offence, you can report it to Sussex Police online, by calling 101, or by dialing 999 in an emergency.