Brighton dad grieves through art following son's suicide

Preston Harris killed himself in August last year aged 25. He lived with dad Paul Harris, a single father, in Robert Street, Brighton.

Paul, aged 50, was arrested in June for spray painting mental health symbols in his son’s favourite places around Brighton.

Paul found Preston on the morning of his death. He said he did not think he would ever take his own life.

He believes that Preston’s mental health deteriorated throughout a rocky relationship with his girlfriend, but he had not suffered from depression previously.

“He knew what suicide does to people. My best mate killed himself ten years ago and he knows what that did to us both,” said Paul.

“He just did it without speaking to anyone first, which is completely out of character for him. I’m so angry that he could do that without speaking to anyone about it first.”

The inquest into Preston’s death found that the alcohol that he had been drinking was likely to have contributed to his death.

His funeral took place on what would have been his 26th birthday on August 24, 2020.

“His birthday was coming up, I didn’t want to have three horrible days that month, I couldn’t deal with it,” Paul said.

“It was hard, I was drinking a lot, I just couldn’t get over it. And then my friend sent me this drawing he had done for Preston which he called ‘youth in turmoil’.”

The drawing depicts the outline of a man sat with his head in his hands with his knees pulled up to his chin surrounded by flowers.

A few months later, his friend sent a stencil of the same image, knowing Paul’s interest in spray painting.

Paul, an electrical mechanic, began to spray the stencil with brightly coloured paint in all of Preston’s favourite spots around the city.

“I was going around spraying pavements with this A4 stencil, I know it was stupid but I just wasn’t thinking. I just thought the image was so powerful and I wanted to help a youth if I could.”

He said he had hoped that young people that saw it would stop and think and possibly reach out before they did something they could not take back.

“I was grieving, I was being stupid, I know I shouldn’t have done it. I was then arrested, the police didn’t understand what I was doing or why.”

Paul knew he needed to work out his grief in a different way so began spray painting canvases.

“It keeps me busy mentally, the painting, it gives me something to do. Otherwise, I’m sat in the flat by myself and I feel miserable.”

Each canvas has a mental health theme with various images: youth in turmoil, blue tulips, the Morse code for suicide and a hand print that Preston did when he was five.

“I just knew I needed to get the message to ‘talk not act’ out, so I took some of the canvases to a car boot sale and the idea was that the person buying one would get to hear Preston’s story and if a young person asked about them they would explain what happened and it might stop them doing what he did.”

“For example the Morse code ones, it's symbolic of something being right in front of you but no one knows. If it was hanging in someone’s room a youth might ask what it is and the owner can explain - it starts a conversation,” he said.

Paul has created over 130 different canvases using a range of colours and imagery. He hopes that they will help to spread awareness and encourage young people to talk about their mental health.

Currently the paintings are decorating every wall in his flat, along with photos of Paul and Preston at various ages.

He has also painted some personal to him, illustrating Preston’s Xbox username ‘lock down kill’.

Preston’s ashes are scattered under a tree on Ditchling Beacon, along with those of his dad’s best friend Kayla. The tree is also featured across the flat in various forms.

Paul is struggling in his grief and uses his work to try to help others in a similar situation to his son.

“It might even save a life, that would be wicked, if I couldn’t save Preston I want to save someone else.

“I don’t want other kids to just act in a moment of drunkenness. It’s just such a terrible waste of a young life, I still can’t believe it,” he said.

This month has been particularly difficult, Paul said, due to the anniversary of his death as well as his birthday coming up and the date of his cremation.

“Everyone kept saying I would eventually feel better but that never came, I just kept drinking waiting for it to come but it still hasn’t. He was my boy, I don’t think I’ll ever feel ok.”

Anyone looking to purchase one of Paul’s canvases or key rings can do so by visiting the Facebook page ‘Youths in turmoil’.

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