5 bizarre TripAdvisor reviews of Brighton beach

The ability to flit from city centre to sea in mere minutes is one which we often take for granted, but the appeal of this seamless transition is one of the main things to consistently attract millions of visitors to Brighton each year.

Thousands stretch across the pebbles to soak up the sun each summer, while others take to the water on stand up paddleboards or make a beeline for the nearest fish and chip shop.

This popularity has seen Brighton beach listed as the fourth top "thing to do" in Brighton on TripAdvisor, finishing behind the Royal Pavilion, The Lanes and the i360.

Brighton beach

It has been reviewed more than 4,500 times on the travel platform, earning a solid average score of four out of a possible five stars.

Many visitors choose to praise the abundance of "good restaurants, bars and arty shops" between Brighton Palace Pier and the remains of West Pier.

Others choose, instead, to focus on the fact the "area is buzzing with activity" in normal times, with "aerobics classes, table tennis, cycling and paddleboarding" all going on around them.

However, the comments of other reviewers, while amusing, are downright bizarre.

Brighton UK 7th August 2020 - Crowds flock to Brighton beach as they enjoy the sunshine on what has been predicted to be the hottest day of the year so far with temperatures reaching the high 30 in some parts of the South East today : Credit Simon Dack /

Here five of the most peculiar reviews:

1. 'Brighton is a landlock away from being a mediocre Bridgend'

While the title of this review, left by someone going by the name of 2010-2016 FIFA Soundtrack, might appear to be a rather scathing comparison to the Welsh town, they did in fact award the beach the full five stars.

Writing in February this year, the reviewer went on to quote rapper Lil Wayne's lyric, "life's a beach and I'm just playing in the sand", before concluding: "But don’t get me wrong, I like Brighton."

There have been some truly bizarre reviews of Brighton beach left on Tripadvisor over the years

2. Upsetting

Another worrying title for any attraction being reviewed, yet the score the visitor gave was, again, remarkably high considering this foreboding opening.

Christeefor gave Brighton beach four stars. However, this is the extent of his praise for the city's seafront.

"Sea too close to the beach," was the phrase he chose to open with, before letting loose with an unusual fusillade of faults.

"Houses too tall to see over. Water very wet in sea. Sand particles very small compared to Weymouth. No bathing wagons to take you into sea for privacy."

There have been some truly bizarre reviews of Brighton beach left on Tripadvisor over the years

3. After two hours trying to find parking I gave up

This is very much a Ronseal review, with writer Mr Robert D doing exactly as the title suggests.

"Parking is just impossible on the seafront or car parks," he said.

"Motorhomes or campers are no longer welcome in Brighton with only four hours parking at any given time, at £9 (yes, £9) for four hours and no longer.

"Now, I'm someone who used to live in Brighton and Hove, so I know my way around. Anyhow, after driving around for two hours looking for a space I gave up and went to Eastbourne instead.

"Such a shame as I used to love this city."

Mr Robert D only gave Brighton beach a solitary star.

Brighton beach

4. Deck chairs needed beyond 5 O'clock

A self-professed people-watcher, Beverly D claims to have hired a deckchair to sit back and relax on the pebbles without having to worry about a jagged stone in the back.

However, she was shocked to find her seating arrangement would be taken away from her at 5pm, arguing that "an evening sit is as pleasurable as a day sit".

This took her review down to a relatively unimpressive three out of five stars.

Beverly said: "I like nothing better than to people-watch on Brighton beach. We went down to the beach at four o'clock and sat down on two deck chairs.

"We were advised by the very polite young man that we would still have to pay £3 per deck chair, but they would be taken away at five o'clock. We did anyway...but why?

"The beach is still used at that time by many people...why can they not extend the time? Surely the young chap could be paid until eight o'clock? Or perhaps another member of staff could take over?

"An evening sit is as pleasurable as a day sit."

Beverly did, however, post pictures of the blue and white-striped deckchair in question, a very fetching seagull, West Pier and her toes in a shiny, silver sandal with the review, suggesting she had a good time while it lasted.

Brighton beach was found to be the number one location for the most seagull attacks in the UK

5. Nice visit, but beware the seagulls!!

Sean Deverson had plenty of positives to take away from his trip to Brighton beach.

He lavished praise on the "nice beach with good bars, restaurants, toilets and more", however he did warn visitors about one peril which could await them on the Sussex coast.

"Be very, very careful when eating on or near the beach as the seagulls are the most vicious we’ve ever experienced," he said.

"We had chips taken out of our hands and saw one family attacked while eating lunch at one of the restaurant tables... Other than that a lovely beach."

Sean's traumatic experiences at the hands of Brighton's winged ruffians did not do too much to dampen his spirits however, as he gave the beach four out of five stars.