This housing plan is the only show in town

Not one of those I’m A Celebrity-type reality shows where you have a cameraman following your every move to the mortgage adviser, the estate agents, the bank of mum and dad etc.

But a quick, easy thrill ride where for a few pennies you can take on a villain to secure a property to call home.

Well, that’s what one man has done, creating a slot machine to entertain the masses visiting Southwold Pier in Suffolk. Cartoonist and inventor Tim Hunkin uses treadmill steps on an actual ladder to move an automated figure towards the prize of a house encrusted in fake diamonds.

The game has three skill levels depending on resources: hard for no savings; quite easy for bank of mummy and daddy; and easy peasy for offshore funds.

Among the villains you may encounter on the way are a developer clasping a mobile phone and a buy-to-let landlord with a tenancy agreement. Beware though –- if you don’t reach your goal by the time of turning 80, it will be game over.

What may seem like a bit of fun to many of you is a sad reality for most. The last week has seen the release of Government figures showing that in the last year just 32,110 affordable homes were completed in England. That compared with 66,600 in 2015 – a drop of 52 per cent.

Breaking that down, in Brighton and Hove the 2016 figure was just 200 – that’s 200 properties in a city with a housing shortage of more than 15,000.

Now some of you may be thinking “so what?”

Others may be asking: “Why do people need taxpayer-funded housing given to them anyway?”

The response is that affordable housing is probably not what you think it is.

It is not for people who are out of work and living off benefits; it is for those people with families who are in work, probably earning close to the minimum wage, but who cannot afford to get on the property ladder.

Think nurses, cleaners, refuse collectors, charity workers – all the people who work blimmin’ hard but just can’t afford to live in a place as expensive and desirable as Brighton and Hove.

Society as a whole needs all those occupations to function.

But, if prices continue to rise in the city at current levels, the only people who can afford to live here are those commuting up to London, people over the age of 55 who already have a mortgage and Adele.

That’s why the discussion of a town hall housing deal last week is so important.

The £105 million joint venture drawn up by the council and Hyde Housing promises to build 1,000 new homes in Brighton and Hove.

Some councillors were rightfully concerned at the lack of detail available.

But the broad strokes on public display so far are going in the right direction.

Let’s be clear – this is the only show in town to try and sort this issue, particularly at a time when private developers only seem interested in chasing the cash. To take one example, rather than build the 40 per cent affordable housing as required with every new development, Crest Nicholson recently offered the local authority £1.2 million for the council to create the properties for them elsewhere.

The firm argues that “affordable housing” would not give the right feel to their plans.

Well pity them and their lofty aspirations. All such a profit-chasing attitude will achieve is the ghettoisation of Brighton and Hove where anyone earning less than £70,000 is not welcome.

This is why the housing deal that received cross-party support last week needs to be backed. It’s innovative, it’s a good deal for the taxpayer and, most importantly, it’s a solution to a problem that has hampered the city for more than a decade. If Brighton and Hove councillors turn this plan down they may as well wash £50 million free cash down the drain, because there will be a thousand other local authorities waiting to accept Hyde’s deal.

Our city needs this shot in the arm to keep it a cosmopolitan welcoming place for all.

If action is not taken now then it will be game over for hundreds of families.

It’s official – “fake” news is a thing.

Some of you may be thinking that the rascals in the fourth estate are already masters of this. But believe me, we are not. Recent days have seen the issue of articles made up to go viral become a real discussion point, as in some circles the fake version is more widely read than proper, real-life news.

It’s even credited with swinging the Brexit vote and helping Donald Trump win the US election.

For those hoping these particular headlines were fakes, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news...