My plan when I started this adventure was to set an intention (find my work) and see what happened in the space I created. To avoid too scary a void and in a spirit of exploration I embarked on a number of different strands that interested me. What actually happened is that I filled my time, albeit with much more rewarding activity, almost as much as when I was in a job I hated. And that sense of being open to possibility and exploring slowly started to fade away and the 'what is my work?' question kept creeping back. The idea that we each have a vocation if only we can discover it is incredibly appealing. Chasing it doesn't work. I've tried (too hard, no doubt) a lot of different approaches to find the answer. None of them have worked in any meaningful way. So it's back to my original plan. Stop trying so hard. Relax - the hardest of all, and the most necessary to open and receive.

I've recently discovered the work of David Whyte. He talks about developing a relationship, a conversation, with the unknown. I find this really helpful. To understand that all will not reveal itself fully formed but that we need to allow for the unknown and proceed anyway, trying to take that first small step, close in, to continue the conversation.

START CLOSE IN (by David Whyte)

Start close in, don't take the second step or the third, start with the first thing close in, the step you don't want to take.

Start with the ground you know, the pale ground beneath your feet, your own way of starting the conversation.

Start with your own question, give up on other people's questions, don't let them smother something simple.

To find another's voice, follow your own voice, wait until that voice becomes a private ear listening to another.

Start right now take a small step you can call your own don't follow someone else's heroics, be humble and focused, start close in, don't mistake that other for your own.

Start close in, don't take the second step or the third, start with the first thing close in, the step you don't want to take.

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