It's been a very emotional week.

My problems started with bleeding again. The swelling in my back turned out to be blood pocketing. A lot of it found its own way out, which is quite frightening. I had to have the rest drained out under local anaesthetic. It was not a particularly pleasant experience but the doctors and breast care nurses were very nice.

Jacob and Lewis have been sleeping at my mum's house so she can get them to school. I was desperate to get their bedrooms looking lovely for their return.

Tom has made an amazing job of transforming Lewis's room and his face was a picture when he saw it. Tom's given it a Chelsea theme and Lewis has a signed shirt, which we framed.

I'm really pleased to have the boys home full-time again. I've spent time with them every day since the operation but it's very quiet when they are not around and I have missed their energy.

Lewis and I made a papier mch alien and when Lewis went to bed, Jacob and I did a bit more work on his memory book, which we have now finished.

I count my blessings every time I look at those boys for the many special memories they have given me. I am frightened for them and cannot stand the thought of never seeing them again so I have to shut it out of my mind quickly and do something to keep busy.

On Saturday we went for a drive to show off the new car.

We had the roof down and I thought it was cool but the boys thought it was freezing.

On the way home a cyclist asked if I'm the lady who writes the column. She said how courageous and inspirational she thought the family was. I was so flattered she had stopped and appreciated it.

Sunday was a lovely day but my back was very swollen and uncomfortable. Lewis had a football match and Tom wanted me to stay home and rest but I know how much it means to Lewis to have an audience. We agreed if I took a chair and wore layers of clothes it would be okay.

Tom had done the week's shopping but we were running late and it was all getting a bit stressful. When we finally arrived, we couldn't see anyone but it turned out we were almost an hour early, which we all thought was quite funny.

My dad and his wife came over to watch Lewis's match - his team won 1-0. I invited them back for roast dinner but Tom had to cook because I was too tired. I married a good one there.

It was a really lovely day with too much food. The boys entertained us and later we sang our song because we needed a bit of practice. It was like Christmas but without the presents.

Monday was a fairly uneventful day but by 8pm I was exhausted and took myself off to bed. I felt I needed to be on my own but once I had shut myself away, I felt really mean. I know I need to rest but I want to do as much as I can while I can and it's pretty frustrating when I find I can't.

On Tuesday I was still feeling very down and in a lot of pain.

Mum drove me back to Worthing Hospital to have my back drained again.

After bath time, Lewis and Jacob read to me. When Tom got home we watched the football - he's a Chelsea fan. I hate football but I like being with Tom.

My dad called and said the most beautiful thing. He said: "Think about how much you love your boys - that's how much I love you." I thought that was really lovely. Although sadly my parents are divorced, I am so lucky to have two such perfect parents.

When I checked on Jacob and Lewis before I went to bed, I felt the most overwhelming warmth. I am so proud to have such wonderful sons. At my 40th birthday party in my speech I said: "You can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family. But if you could, I would have chosen mine." That's still so true. On Wednesday I was feeling much brighter and more positive.

It was my friend Jean's thanksgiving service. It was beautiful and her family and friends did her proud. I felt honoured to be there and to be invited back to the family home afterwards.

It was hard not to think about my own memorial service and I wondered what kind of things people would say about me.

I kept looking at Tom because I was worried about how he was feeling but I quickly reminded myself the service was for Jean. The eulogies were beautiful and really reflected how she had positively contributed to so many people's lives. I think making a positive difference to someone else's life makes your own life more worthwhile.

Mum collected the boys from school and Tom and I came home to a roast dinner. I opened a bottle of my special New Zealand wine from my brother-in-law's family vineyard.

Afterwards Jacob and I helped Lewis with his homework and when the boys had gone to bed, Tom and I cuddled up to watch a film. I could not help looking at Tom and thinking what an amazing, supportive and loving man I have married.